Double Life/Terminal Velcocity review contest

Hey, everyone--today I would like to introduce a fun contest. If you don't already have a copy of Double Life, you are eligible to participate. There will be a contest in which you will win a free copy of Terminal Velocity!

Here's how it works: First, purchase a copy of Double Life. There are two versions on Amazon. One is Lulu, the other is CreateSpace. CreateSpace is cheaper, and honestly, I make a bigger royalty off of it, so that would be in your best interest.

If you have a Kindle, you already have two advantages in this contest: 1. The book comes to your hands quicker, and 2. you pay a tenth of the print price. (This will go up after T.V. comes out--a warning to all ye Kindlers). Although you DID have to drop a couple hundred dollars on that device, so your advantages are well-earned.

The way to win is to be the first to read and write a review of at least 250 words and post it on all three versions of the book on Amazon. As soon as the first review goes up, that person has won the prize of a free copy of Terminal Velocity shipped to you as soon as I have copies of Terminal Velocity. (I know, I'm behind...)

So please participate, and if you don't want to read my book (how great could it be anyway?) perhaps give it as a gift for Christmas for a significant youngster in your life.

Hoping to see a review soon!


official review of Twilight

All right, so today I'm posting a review I wrote on Amazon for Twilight. Now you can see exactly why I think that on a scale of 1 to 1,000,000, its literary merit is about a 3.


First I'd like to say she tried. She really tried hard to make this a great book. But that may be the root problem--she tried too hard and it came out truncated and overdone.

Second I'd like to say that I tried. I really tried hard to make it to the end of this book. But in the end I found out that staring at the page was too nauseating to think about (it's true, I can't read Twilight for more than five minutes without closing it in disgust). So I gave in and listened to the audiobook.

So without further ado, let's get the train wreck rolling.

The first thing you trip over is the most ridiculously flowery and pompous prose ever. Observe the (in my opinion) worst-written paragraph ever that falls on you like a billiard table so early (page 8):

"It was beautiful; I couldn't deny that. Everything was green: the trees, their trunks covered with moss, their branches hanging with a canopy of it, the ground covered with ferns. Even the air filtered greenly through the leaves.

"It was too green--an alien planet."

This is an example of every writing error and annoyance in this book. Let's put a microscope on it.

1. Semicolons. They're everywhere in this book, and every time she could have replaced it with a comma. These distracted the heck out of me.

2. Trying to say something and locking herself in a box. She doesn't realize that there are different ways of saying something so it sounds smoother, but she just tries to "make it work" the way she originally had it. This is very amateur.

3. "It." Their branches hung with a canopy of it. Of what? Who knows...there have been four nouns it could have meant. This happens too much.

4. She's so busy writing all the unnecessary details that she forgets their purpose. Notice that in the first sentence she admires the green. By the next paragraph, she dislikes it. What?

And that covers the writing. On to plot and character, which, in this book, are the same thing.

The plot is nonexistent. It's page after page after page of Bella gushing over Edward until there's only about 150 pages left. Meyer then suddenly rushes to find a plot and pulls out a stock bad guy who wants to get Bella and Bella alone.

Why? Same reason as why a praying mantis spends most of his day cleaning himself.

Because he can.

That is the entire plot. All of it. She finds out he's a vampire, gushes over him for 400 pages, and then spends the next 150 running from a cheesy villain.

Let's move on to the characters, beginning with Bella, whom you have to spend every moment of the book with. And what a character to tell the story...a whining, selfish, and ultimately insecure person who defines herself by Edward and spends all day talking about Edward, Edward, Edward. And it's the most repetitive thing ever.

My favorite thing to laugh at is the way she describes his face--she can't just say his face. She always has to attach something that says how wonderful it is. This is one of the things that has made it to my list of the worst things ever (don't worry--it's not hard to get on the list. All you have to do is comment on this review with teen fury).

And Edward is a girl personality in "hot" male form. That's it.

So to sum up, she wrote a story and her characters happened to be morons, her plot wasn't there, and she tried too hard to write it. And I need to go to Walmart, pick up a copy of Twilight and five red pens, and get to work.


So tell me what you think--you can vote for it as "helpful" or "unhelpful" right here: and you can give your comments below. I love hearing readers' opinion!


pre-order Terminal Velocity today

Hey, everyone--Terminal Velocity comes out in just one month and five days. That's incredible to me. It's all gone so fast!

You can pre-order a copy of the book anytime before then and get the price of $10 plus the shipping charges (I'll probably standardize to $3 for the first book and $1 for every book thereafter).

To pre-order, email me at I need to have your name, the name you want the book signed to, your address, payment method, and whether you want it gift-wrapped or not. The book will be shipped out on December 11 so it can arrive on the 14th at the earliest. If you don't feel comfortable giving a home address, I'll send to PO boxes if you'd like.

Payment will be either via PayPal or check (which you send by mail). Once you email me the required information, I will reply with a thank you and either my address to mail the check to or the PayPal email address to pay to. I WILL NOT send a book to someone who has not paid.

Here's the official back-cover synopsis of the book:
The imaginary world is just as Josiah Jones left it, but it's all about to change.

Events surrounding the death of an agent have compelled Josiah and Tom to find the RED Agency's new headquarters, but things are more than they seem. A mysterious third party interferes, and no one knows whose side they could be on. The second installment of the Adventures of Josiah Jones is more exciting, more action-packed, and even more intriguing than the first.
Email me and order your copy of this book today!


Short Post

I know that this is an extremely short post, but I don't have much time on my hands what with NaNoWriMo and stuff.

Here it is:

A professional writer is an amateur that didn't stop.

That means that if you want to be a writer, then write. Duh.